Sorry for the lack of blogging this week. My mind has been swimming with a lot of different things going on, and the half marathon I have to complete tomorrow is the biggie. I am extremely nervous about the race because I know how hard it is going to be. I hate that I am slow and that I basically walk the whole time. I know that it does not matter how fast I go, but it is hard to not dwell on that. I have slacked on my training since the 10 miler, and that is all me just being lazy, in denial, stressed….*insert excuse here*.
I will finish regardless of the time, and I know I will be proud that I did this. Right now I am just a ball of nerves. I am very anxious about it all. I will have two my best gals with me, Jaimelee and Holly. They will make it fun, and keep me going. I do worry about being annoyingly slow to two people who could get it over with faster.
Am I annoying you yet because I am annoying myself with all the anxiety and nervousness that I am feeling?
I pride myself on being able to calm the nerves of my friends and make them look at situations in a different light. When it comes to myself, I am the worst. I internalize it and then dwell on the worst case scenarios…the opposite of what I tell my friends to do. I keep thinking about how this is the most physically challenging activity that I have will have completed to date.
So, I am trying to make myself think empowering thoughts. Other than the 10 miler, the hardest physical challenge that I have completed was when I tested to become a lifeguard in high school…yep I life guarded for 3 summers.
When I decided that I wanted to become a lifeguard, I had a lot of self doubt about passing the physical requirements of the test. I knew I could ace the written parts, but the skills test would be killer. It was the first time I had seen my parents doubt my ability to do something. They never came right out and said they did not think I could, but they both were cautioning me about how difficult it would be that they did not want me upset if I could not do it.
That was about all I needed to make me not give up. I now had something to prove and someone to prove it to. It was 2 days of strenuous activity. Most notably, I swam 20 (down and back was one) laps without stopping…stopping made you start over and you only got one of those. I pulled a 180 pound football player from the water while he was acting as dead weight, on top of a variety of other physical tests.
The reason for tooting my own horn down memory lane is that I need to remind myself that I am not always the fastest, the strongest, or most fit, but I have determination to complete a challenge. It may very well blow balls tomorrow, but I will complete it and be a little better for having done it.
…But don’t expect to see a bumper sticker on my car afterward.
Oh and I purposefully left out child birth. It sucked and hurt, but I ended up with a c-section and my vag still intact. I really got off easy compared to you mommas that had to push out those babies.
I want to hear about when you proved yourself or someone else wrong! Tell me your triumphant stories and toot your horn in the comments below!